Andy Bell’s Racing Diary… All Aboard The Skylark.
Sunday 19th. Yesterday we very nearly pulled off a 7/1 winner, but we had been clever and saved on the place and nicked 3rd. Our free bet at 9/2 once again just missed out on a place at a very well backed 3/1 which was a shame.
Our late tip bolted up by an uncontested 17l and paid for all your memberships at the first time of asking.
I had to giggle to myself when I read that the Greyhound Master wants to play Battle of The Tipsters, has anybody told him he has to pick the winners on the day and not just write about them a week later hehehe.
The Don was bang on Simons case today, have they had a lovers tiff, I wonder? I know I hit the mark sometimes, (you can as long as it’s true…ish), but hey The Don, credit where credit’s due, 8 winning weeks on the trot is no mean feat, even by “The Rock Holden’s” high standards. I will give even money it’s hard to beat all this year.
Relatively quiet today, so I am going to keep things very small. HOOF IT is owned by golfer Lee Westwood and they think today it’s good enough to win, so for small stakes I e-mail this out and advise taking the price.
Today we are on a small island, I think La Palma, which is a bit baron, but the beer is cold and the seafood paella is amazing, but still not as nice as yesterday’s Las Palmas where the sea was rolling in onto the sandy beach, which was an incredible sight.
Last night I was doing my James Bond impression, not looks unfortunately or speech, but vodka martinis and I think that after about 10, even he may of struggled a tad.
I got rather a taste for the cocktails and from what I can remember strawberry margaritas took the biggest hit.
Pigeon portions are a thing of the past as TRI our waiter, is now bang on side, as I had half a lamb as dish number 5 of the 7. Benjamin the wine waiter has also stepped up to the plate as we are now drinking what other “all inners” dream of and the extra ports at the end of the magnificent 7 was also an added bonus.
We get some late information in from Ireland, but as I said on my e-mail, I am just a bit concerned as the then 2nd fav is being very well punted and when these shrewd Irish get stuck into one just take a step back and beware, although I have great confidence in my contact, I air on the side of caution and only advise a small bet.
Monday 20th. We endured our first losing late tip of the month yesterday, as we were narrowly beaten into 2nd by the money horse. A forecast would of been nice, that thing hindsight, hey??
Shit was it rough last night, I’m not talking about the blonde singers either, the sea. We were up and down like a brides knickers and I don’t know how ever I keep my whole tank full of lamb, margaritas and whatever else I managed to pack and had consumed down. I must be getting as tight as the Don, because I am proud to say not a single bit got a re tasting.
We woke up in Madeira this morning and there were a lot of green faces eating dry cornflakes and there was also a demand for crackers and apples. Hehehe. My smoked haddock and poached eggs were marvellous.
Work to be done and it’s a real piss off that they have to charge for the internet as it costs them nothing extra, £18 for 3 hours. This causes me a real pain, as I have to get into the towns bars as early as possible to get the free Wi-Fi, but it’s a pain and a problem I will just have to get used to, at a guess it’s 5/4 it will take me all of 2 minutes to get over it.
Less, it takes all of 1 minute into my quest as a rather pretty waitress is enquiring about my preferred beverage and my thankless chore is now perfectly complete.
We have a huge word for LEAN ON PETE today and I e-mail this out accordingly at 5/2 and get Smudger, Pete and Jack the cap to back this for me and also lighten my Betdaq account.
We have until 7pm in Madeira today and then we set sail for Fortuventura tonight another of the Canary isles.
I am tempted to have a go on the wooden sledges which speed down a huge steep hill through the busy streets, but I have second thoughts as I remember my last three days of eating and drinking binges and I can’t remember seeing cover for the bell bullet on my insurance policy and I also can’t see if I am covered in the eventuality that a car is hit and written of by a sledging fat bastard, coupled with these two small problems, also I am well aware, ultimately that this well laden sledge thing has to stop somewhere near the bottom and not 100 yards into the ocean.
I decide for the more sedate approach and join my father, Pauline and Sharon and be content with drinking the old local brew.
I am prepared to give LEAN ON PETE another chance, as the race was ran at a crawl, which certainly didn’t suit him, we will get our money back on him if you wait for my say so, because I know a little more than I am allowed to say.
A full night and days sailing ahead of us now.
Tuesday 21st. Last night was very much the same, with a cracking meal and too many of my new found Raspberry Colin’s, which consists of huge amounts of gin and various other stuff, probably best unknown to mankind.
At the £6 an hour internet I need to find us all a winner after our losing day yesterday.
I think that SHANEY SIKE has an excellent chance of following up his last time out win at Wetherby today and e-mail him out and advise taking the 5/2.
COLUMBIAN ROULETTE looks an interesting prospect and the jockey/trainer combination isn’t one we see everyday.
I also decide that these two will make a very good 3pt ew double at 5/2 and 15/8. I know a lot of people think, what’s that prat doing today, two shorties and an ew double? In my defence, if we cop it’s a real nice return of 30ish points and also backing these singularly, a total loss is difficult to envisage.
Although we have a day a sea today, what I’m going to tell you now, made me bend double with laughter.
My Dad bless him, was sitting on deck 9 at the front letting the world slip by with his JB whiskey in one hand and his iPad in the other, with his ear plugs in. As I got closer, I could see all around him that these poshy’s were all looking and frowning in his general direction and there was quite a manly gathering also, OMG, I soon knew why, I could hear his iPad screaming out either Jimmy Jones or Jim Davidson, whoever it was, “f” this and “f” that and the odd C U Next Tuesday as he sat there blissfully unaware he hadn’t pushed his earplugs in completely and he was entertaining the whole front deck, well a large majority of it anyway.
SHANEY SIKE wins very nicely at 5/2, so that ensures us a winning day at the very least.
COLUMBIAN ROULETTE, does he need further, is he a thinker or was Luke Morris to far back, I don’t know, only the future will tell, but 2nd cost us about 25 extra points. A winning day nether the less.
Wednesday 22nd. Before I say, I told you so, runny scrambled eggs and prawns are in order, now all you disbelievers, take the well buttered and milked eggs, with lots of pepper and a dash of salt out of the saucepan, while still runny, by the time the toast has been buttered the eggs will have set a bit and as long as you can ” just” eat them with a fork they are perfect, now try explaining that to a limited English speaking chef, it’s easier getting that cad, The Don to be more humble, ask his EX mate ‘The Rock Holden”
Now back to I told you so, my “prats” ew double, ok it didn’t happen, but instead of losing all our stake, we only lost 1/2 a part or 1/2 a point, now betting is all about liability limitation, because we will ALL have more losing bets than winning ones, so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out if you can limit the losing ones, ultimately you are better off. Today we have a massive 4 selections which we all back singularly and also pop 3 of them in an ew treble.
We have docked in Fuerteventura today and although it’s a bit windy the sun is shinning, so let’s see what we can find here.
Our bet starts of really well and we hit a 7/2 winner and just one more and we will secure another winning day. Crap we hit 2 seconds and an unsighted, so we great displeasure it’s one back to the Greedy 1s.
Fuerteventura doesn’t really liven my spirits, as there’s not much here, so after a fish pie, well that’s what they called it anyway, I would call it fish pate, but I hasten to add it was very tasty but not what I expected.
Back to the ship for 4pm tea and cakes, oh ok and the odd pint or 2.
On our way from the cabin to the bar, I notice lots of DO NOT DISTURB signs on the doors and just wonder have we a lot of honeymooners or something. When I enquire it’s defiantly the “something” we have an outbreak of the threpny bits, not quite their terminology, but you get the idea I’m sure.
Round every corner is a little sniper, with a spray gun, waiting to disinfect our hands, thankfully, as I certainly don’t want to waste anytime sitting in the tardis.
It’s well quiet in the bars and restaurants, which is quite handy, as long as my old tin guts hold out.
Thursday 23rd. I’m glad to say only the normal amount of sheets has disappeared off the loo roll during the night and I am raring to go.
Lord Howie’s a boy isn’t he? He’s doing some shouting, fighting talk if you ask me, but top of the tree!! he is entitled to I’d say. On current form 4/6 The Lord and 5/4 the Holden basher, The Fixer Owen for Saturdays tipster clash.
All I’ve heard this morning is get on this so called good thing RESOLUTE, as this has been pounding the gallops and caught the eye of a lot of good judges. I know this 6/4 can’t last so I e-mail out and suggest it’s a must that we take it.
The old waves are not playing ball today and we are unable to dock at LAS GOMAS, so we have a day to kill around the jolly old Celebration until we arrive at Tenerife early this evening. The old belly is up and down like tower bridge today and I am thinking the worst. I feel better (not literally) when Sharon informs me it may not actually be my worst fears, it could be the bottle of Gaviscon I consumed last night to cure my burning pipes.
RESOLUTE is smashed off all the boards and goes off at odds on 4/7. Unfortunately nobody tells him and the best he can muster is a close up 3rd. I know he didn’t win but if we keep getting the value and not under the odds we WILL keep making profits every month.
It’s the crews show night tonight and after our fill we settle down to watch them strut their stuff, which is very good and rounded off by the mad chefs doing their jig, which is well funny and the perfect ending.
Friday 24th. Home James, today, I’m not ecstatic about it, but I’ve had a week of gluttony and need to get back into the swing of things and back on the tracks. We are herded off the ship early so it can be disinfected and taken to a rather nice hotel near the airport and the sea. Hooray, I manage to scam free internet of the girly behind the ramp and it’s still free food and drink.
We have two decent bets at Huntingdon, one of which we have been waiting for and the other I am told the owners are going there to back it.
All e-mails complete and prices secured it’s time for a good plate full of the Gratis stuff.
Shortly after my contact straight from the Lingfield track is on the blower telling me to back OCEAN LEGEND, as all my e-mails have in fact gone out I decide to put this as a late selection, just as I’m doing so Fred from Newmarket tells me that the Ferguson boys think NEW YEARS DAY is in an unbeatable mood today and should be backed. 2 late selections, but I’m not fazed, I put them both out singularly as win only and “my now better known prats bet” an ew double.
My week is now complete, as I am at this very moment sitting on the rotton old Smartie pot relatively sober, which I wish wasn’t the case because the winds are horrendous, 90mph the captain has just said and he can’t set his navigation system until he heads into the wind as the plane is rocking so much and yes, I’m now crapping myself and as always I get the resident “can everybody hear me” know it all bastard just behind me saying, oh this is going to be scary, this is going to be rough, etc, etc, I know “if required” in which direction my full sick bag is heading.
Saturday 25th. Back on old blighty this rainy, cold and miserable morning, but I am soon cheered up by what on paper looks like a fantastic Cheltenham trials day.
TODAYS FREE TIP 3-00 Cheltenham RATHVINDEN 2/1 Corals.
I am a bit lethargic this morning as you can probably guess, but I shall be back to the plate tomorrow. I have got a welcome home for all you greedy 1s on line for all my members today and hopefully we can follow up yesterdays very unlucky but winning day on the late tip front.
I hope you enjoyed last week as much as I did.
Carry on camping next!
Andy Bell Racing